If I had a dollar for every one of my friends who came to me and told me they thought their man/woman was cheating, I’d be rich. I’ve even suspected some of the guys I’ve been with of cheating. I don’t know if our society as a whole has become extremely insecure, or extremely disloyal, but here are a few signs your love MIGHT be cheating. **I am in no way verifying that they are, telling you they are, or advising you to accuse them.**
1. They aren’t spending as much time with you
This one is difficult, because there are a number of explanations. They could be (legitimately) working late/more, they could be going through issues and don’t want to drag you into it with them, they could be unsure about the relationship and taking a step back, or they could be not as interested. I know, the last two options aren’t good either, but they’re better than being cheating on. Yes, spending more time away from you, especially if you two are accustomed to hanging out a lot, can be a red flag but if it isn’t in conjunction with other red flags, you’re probably alright. Try talking to them or just giving them time to work out whatever is causing their absence.
2. They don’t answer the phone
If you’ve called them obsessively, this could be the reason they aren’t answering. You may have set off some “psycho” flags by calling so much, causing them to recoil. If you have only called them once or twice a day for a few days and they aren’t answering, it might be time to worry. Still, keep in mind that there may have been an emergency of some sort that is causing you to be greeted by their voicemail every day. Just make sure that when you do finally talk to them again that they have a legitimate reason for not answering. If they have a bunch of pauses and “ums” and “uhs” in their explanation, they’re probably hiding something.
3. They are fidgety
If they flip out and get jumpy when you get within feet of their phone or email, something is up. People who have nothing to hide aren’t jumpy and nervous. If they seem to be protecting their email, phone, or computer from you, 9 times out of 10 it is because there is something incriminating that they’re afraid you’re going to find. If they close down what they’re doing as soon as you walk in, be suspicious. On occasion this type of behavior can be rationalized (like when I was trying to shop online for my fiance and he kept popping into the room, causing me to minimize my windows), but if it can be rationalized, it won’t be constant. If this is happening a lot, something is going on.
4. They accuse you of cheating
Guilty people are on the defensive, so they will try and make you feel like the bad guy with accusations, assumptions, and suspicion. This is so they can distract you from what they’re doing and because they may be feeling guilty about what they’re doing. If they are acting suspicious of you with no cause, they may be up to something. Not always, but it is possible.
5. Their stories don’t add up
If they were late for dinner again and they tell you it was because they had to work until 7, but then slip up and say later that they clocked out at 5, they aren’t telling you something. It may not be because they’re cheating, but there is something they don’t want you to know. I know it seems obvious, but some people aren’t very observant. Pay attention to the details, their tone of voice, and their eyes. If they can’t look at you straight and their eyes are darting all over the room, they’re feeding you a line of shit. Eventually their lies will be all tangled and you will know for sure if they’re telling the truth or not.
6. They get defensive
If they flip shit because you asked them an innocent question, they’re hiding something. Normal responses don’t involve being loud and defensive for no reason. If they take everything you say and act like it’s an interrogation against them, they’re guilty as hell. When was the last time you acted overly secretive and defensive and weren’t hiding something? Exactly. People don’t just act like that for no reason.
7. They suddenly care more about appearance
If they are all of a sudden wearing a new cologne or perfume, styling their hair different, trying to lose that gut, wearing more makeup or sprucing up their wardrobe, it is entirely possible that they’re doing it to impress their side person. This isn’t enough to prove anything, especially if it is isolated with no other signs, but if it is happening along with any other red flags, you can pretty well bet what is happening.
8. Their phone is going off at weird times
If you’re in bed and you hear a text come through at 3am, it could be a warning. Every once in a while isn’t usually anything to concern yourself with, but if you notice the phone ringing and texts/emails consistently coming through late at night, pay attention. Again, I know it seems obvious, but you’d be surprised how oblivious people can be. **Keep in mind this can be innocent. My phone goes off all through the night with advertisement emails and game notifications, but you can tell a difference, especially if they have special notification tones for different things.**
9. Out of character trips at random times
If they’ve suddenly decided at midnight that milk needs to be bought, they’re going to meet or call their lover. I would almost put money on it. If they say they need to go do something that can wait until morning, they’re almost always doing something dishonest. This is a huge red flag.
10. Your bank account seems low
If there are charges that you can’t account for, it is entirely possible that the missing money was spent on a dinner, a hotel, or a gift for their lover. If you’re finding a bunch of charges that you don’t remember making, it is time to ask them about it.
11. Your sex life has taken a nose dive
The two of you used to have sex frequently, but lately it seems like you’re going weeks or months without anything. This could be a sign of cheating, but it could also be due to stress, being tired, or a lack of interest. If it continues, have a talk and get to the bottom of it. It could be innocent.
12. They’re being TOO nice
If they’re suddenly being super sweet and attentive, it could be to throw you off. Now, don’t tear into them and accuse them because it could be that they realized they’ve been taking you for granted and decided to make a change, but that isn’t usually the case. Unexplained and sudden loving behavior may be enjoyable, but it also may be a way to mask what they’re really up to.
13. You “feel it in your gut”
If you feel that they are being unfaithful, they probably are. Granted, some people are always paranoid, but if you suddenly feel like something is wrong, it probably is. Don’t dismiss the feeling, but don’t act on it either. Give it some time and see if there is any evidence to back up the feeling.
As I’ve stated throughout this post, if you are only noticing one, or maybe two, of these things, you’re probably in the clear. If you can check off a good chunk of the list, it’s time to get an answer. Never assume they’re cheating until you can prove it or get them to admit it. Also keep in mind that they may not be cheating, but they may be detached from the relationship and wanting out. I know that hurts too, but not as much as being cheated on. Just give it time, keep your eyes open, and wait for the answer to come. Eventually you will have proof or they will come right out and tell you.
If anyone has anything to add, feel free to leave a comment!